Dear Thieves,

I don’t actually know you and I don’t know if you stole my iPad for your own purposes or to fence or whatever, but there are a few things that I think I know about you. I think you’re probably not in as comfortable a position in life as I am, that you probably didn’t have the same upbringing that I did, and maybe you have had a couple of tough licks that you’ve had to grin and bear.

I wouldn’t exactly say that I forgive you, but I think there’s something missing and you’re trying to find it; in things and clothes and whatever. Maybe you’re a kleptomaniac or maybe you’re just hard off and saw my iPad as a quick couple hundreds of bucks. Conjecture is pretty pointless, but if I had to guess, I’d venture that in the grand scheme of things, I’ve had an easier life than you have, I’ve had more people supporting me, emotionally and financially, and that’s why you steal and I don’t.

The police have been dispatched and I’m going to help them in any way I can to have you arrested because, regardless of whatever circumstances you’re in or whatever hard time you’ve had, you’re a criminal. I’ve never met a person who¬†wants to be a criminal and I really wouldn’t like to make you one, but we’re both already past that point, right? I know your friend has some scars, I know you have a tattoo of some lipmarks on your neck, and I know that I’m going to make sure that every merchant I know in San Francisco knows about you two. That’s just kind of how things have to be.

Whether or not that iPad makes any difference in your life, I really hope you start thinking about what you want and why you stole it. In the long run, it doesn’t even matter that you stole it from me, but it says something about you and I hope you find some way for your actions to say better things about you.


  1. peasantstatus said: THANKS FOR THE IPAD
  2. notacomplexperson posted this

Twenty-something tribal mystic who only wants a few things in life. Self-indulgent, self-narrating, self-effacing.

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